Apr. 27th, 2003

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As I was IMming at Robin, who was too busy doing her hum paper / avoiding her hum paper to notice, LJ is very much a different kind of Time Suck from the others out there: the Shmack, the video games, chasing each other with things made out of duct tape both large and small. Already, LJ seems to be a place where one can talk about feelings. This doesn't sound remarkable until you think about the day to day interactions of Easties. Feelings that I remember people sharing recently: good, bad, sleep-depped, glad that thesis is over, working, avoiding work. People constantly are concealing their anger, their annoyedness, their excitement, their sexuality, just everything. I don't think we're trying to be hyper-rational, but it certainly looks that way a lot of the time, and the emotions that people feel either internally or at each other get swept under the rug. How much of that is okay? It really depends on the person. But, something inside me is aching right now. I want to talk to people and listen to people. I want a conversation to go on for hours into the night talking about home or family or happiness or truth or religion without dissolving into something about definitions or maps from r-n to who gives a crap. This is a place of growth, but that growth shouldn't always have to be inward.

This all reminds me of a conversation that I had in the lounge this weekend. I was arguing with someone who said that there were no redeeming features of Microsoft Word. They said that after Mudders graduated, they would never have use for a program that couldn't edit equations and didn't have math character sets. They said that Mudders, when left up to their own devices, wouldn't read non-technical things. It bugged me at the time, but now I see it even more. There are places in every person for the math and the science, but if you let it rule your life, control who you are and what you are to become, you haven't learned anything from here. If you leave here unbalanced in your knowledge base, you haven't taken anything of value from this giant neo-Mayan school.

I may be off base. I may be ridiculous. I may be speaking for a minority of one, but tough. Right now, I feel starved for emotional connection, and that very much doesn't mean I need a relationship. We are all adrift here, alone but together, and sometimes, you just need to talk to a fellow traveller.


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